letterwishes

Autumn- So, I really just want you to know that I miss you. The way things ended between us was not right, and it just wasn’t how life was supposed to work for us. We were best friends, sharing every secret, every high and every low. I know that this is supposed to be a place where you can email deceased loved ones, but every since we stopped speaking, its almost like you’ve died. I mourned the loss of our friendship. I cried, hell, I still cry when I think about the fact that I can’t share everything with you anymore. When you talk to someone everyday, and then all of a sudden they are completely gone, you’re lost, and I mean completely. I pretty much walked around in circles for weeks after my birthday when we had our falling out. Some really great things happened to me during those weeks, but I feel like I couldn’t fully appreciate the impact of those events because I couldn’t share my elation with you. There’s that old adage that sorrow shared is half sorrow, and joy sh! ared is doubled. That truly is how we worked. When your heart was shattered two years back, I drove 2 hours in the middle of the night to get to you, because that’s what you needed. When my mom’s house burnt down, you sat and cried with me on the phone for an hour, because that’s what I needed. There was an even give and take, and all of a sudden it turned into all take from your end, and you ended up taking everything away. I don’t understand why. Why did you just abandon me in what was quite possibly the most confusing time of my life? Why have you just left me to deal with this huge, messed up world on my own, when you know I’m not strong enough to do it by myself? Why aren’t you there to celebrate my successes with anymore? Sometimes I wish you really were dead, instead of just gone, because then, at least I might be able to get some closure. I could look back with fond memories about our fantastic friendship, and how it ended too soon, but you’d always have my back from wherever you were now. Instead, I can look back at the good times with nothing but confusion, because they really were so great, and then just vanished. I want to know how you are, and I want to know what’s going on in your life. If you’re struggling through our separation like me, or if I really needed you in my life more than you needed me in yours. Why am I sending this here rather than just sacking up and actually sending it to you? Because, I don’t want to go against what you want. Because deep down, I really do still care about you and you have a place in my heart where all of my dearest family members are kept, and I figure, if you wanted to stop talking to me so bad, who am I to take that away from you? With Love, That Used-to-Be Best Friend of Yours, Jessi